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Showing posts with label lalie kavulich. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lalie kavulich. Show all posts

Friday, February 11, 2011

Fuck You February 14th- I Need No More Reminders That Love is Most Often a Lie!

The way i see it is... that most things in life fall under the "shades of grey" category....you know,
subjective to the viewer or different for each individual.... but sometimes.... every once in a long while there is a black and white....a YES or NO


For instance, there is either a God/higher power or there isn't. 
No in-betweens...
You either LOVE someone or you do not. There is no such thing is "KIND OF" loving someone.
There is no such thing as "LOVING SOMEONE...BUT"
The light switch is off or on.
You are alive or you are dead.
I could continue but that would be insulting to your intelligence.

DO you think you LOVE someone?
How does this match up with the definition below?
Compare and Contrast.

Our feelings often fein that of true love ...
One often experiences "symptoms" of love when real love is not involved in the slightest.
LOVE IS NOT A WARM FUZZY FEELING IN YOUR STOMACH OR A GOOSE-BUMP WHEN SOMEONE ENTERS THE ROOM
love is also not just pure obsession
LOVE is action...
if there is no action behind the word is is a lie, a falsehood.
EXAMPLE:
If someone claims to love you but then for WHATEVER reason cuts you out of their life completely
THEY DO NOT indeed LOVE YOU at all.
Life is short and bares much uncertainty,
THE MOST important thing in the most bare boned, simple vein of existence is keeping the ones you love close to your heart.... you NEVER know when you are gonna loose them and you damn well know you only live once.
If you are OK with choosing to loose a friendship/relationship/connection with someone whom you claim to LOVE. YOU ARE A LIAR and your words hold no clout.

I BELIEVE THIS WITH MY ENTIRE BEING AND IT HAS CHANGED everything.


1love

 noun \ˈləv\

Definition of LOVE

1
(1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>b : an assurance of affection love>
2
: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3
a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration<baseball was his first love>(1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
4
a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind(2) : brotherly concern for othersb : a person's adoration of God
5
: a god or personification of love
6
: an amorous episode : love affair
7
: the sexual embrace : copulation
8
: a score of zero (as in tennis)
9
capitalized Christian Science : god
— at love
: holding one's opponent scoreless in tennis
— in love
: inspired by affection

Examples of LOVE

  1. Children need unconditional love from their parents.
  2. He was just a lonely man looking for love.
  3. Mr. Brown seems to imply that when he retired he relinquished her love as casually as he dispensed with her secretarial services. —Ken Follett, New York Times Book Review, 27 Dec. 1987



Saturday, January 29, 2011

Hell Ya...WARPAINT



Undertow Lyrics
Your brown eyes are my blue skies.
They light up the river that the birds fly over.
Better not to quench your thirst.
Better not to be the first one diving in,
though you caught me and you know why
they breathe in the deepest part of the water
What’s the matter? You hurt yourself? Open your eyes and there was someone else?
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Why you wanna blame me for your troubles?
Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Let tonight pass us by.
Do you really want to be the one to fight?
And i said “You’re better not to light that fire.
It will take you to the darkest part of the weather.”
What’s the matter? You hurt yourself?
Opened your eyes and there was someone else?
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Now i’ve got you in the undertow.
Why you wanna blame me for your troubles?
Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Nobody in my mind. Nobody in my mind.
I feel it in my heart tonight.
I laid on the floor pressing in my eyes.
Seeing little lights.
These are the decisions that only one could make
I wanted to stay home but i went running running running running from the troubles
runningrunningrunningrunningrunningrunni ngrunning
What’s the matter? You hurt yourself?
Opened your eyes and there was someone else?
Now i’ve got you in the undertow
Now i’ve got you so
why you wanna blame me for your troubles?
Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.
Nobody ever has to find out what’s in my mind tonight.

Saturday Afternoon Play List....

Get Some- Lykke Li
Half a person- The Smiths
Rococo- Arcade Fire
Not in Love (Feat. Robert Smith)- Crystal Castles
Lovesick Teenagers- Bear in Heaven
Helicopter- Deerhunter
Thug Luv (Feat 2Pac) Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
Hell's Bells-Cary Ann Hearst
The Ride- David Allan Coe
Sinister Kid- The Black Keys
Never Let Me Down Again- Depeche Mode
I Cut Like A Buffalo-The Dead Weather
Bloodbuzz Ohio- The National
No One In Control-Snowden
I Can Change- LCD Soundsystem
I Wanna Be Adored- The Ravonettes
O.N.E.- Yeasayer
Undertow-Warpaint
Guys Eyes- Animal Collective 

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Ambulances with Sirens Barreling Up & Down My Street Make it Nearly Impossible to Sleep...

I would smoke a cigarette right now if i had not already quit....

i found a poem on New Years Eve, one of my worst night's to date.... the "Holidays" do not become me, they are the wrong shade for my skin tone....I digress.... back to the poem.... the poem....
its point was as poignant as the tip of an arrow and it hit me like a drum.
I will share it with you now:



'Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
  Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
  I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
  And last year's leaves are smoke in every lane;
  But last year's bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!
There are a hundred places where I fear
  To go, -- so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, "There is no memory of him here!"
  And so stand stricken, so remembering him!?

- Edna St. Vincent Millay

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Brianne and i wrote a murder ballad & played it for the first time on Saturday

These are most likely the most simplistic and repetitive lyrics I have penned to date
but also the truest and possible most personal....

"six feet underneath the ground"

Im in love with the ghost of the person meant for me
But Im trying, Lord I'm trying, I am fighting to be free

Ill bury you
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
Ill bury you... and run
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
I WILL bury you and run



I would own your soul
I would own your soul
If you only, had one left to give
I would own your soul
I WOULD OWN your soul
If you only had one left

& guilt she's been your killer
so dead you have become
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
Ill bury you
I will bury you
Ill bury you and run

Its time to let you go now
your heart is 6 feet under
its time to LET YOU GO

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"This Dark & Stormy Passenger"

much much ado about nothing at all.
I dont want this love no more
with all the ache it brings

a captive audience of sorts
to all that cuts and stings

take these feelings far away
and drown them in the sea

they are the lead that weighs me down
these shackles have no key

Im gonna have to run not walk
to get you off my trail

abandon this sad, sinking ship
& on a raft set sail

This dark and stormy passenger
is handcuffed to my side

it lurks in every shadow
of every tear I've cried

There's a storm a brewing
a tempest if you will

I may shake and falter
but bend not to your will

I dont want this love no more
extract it from my chest

in it's place leave a budding tree
with birds sweetly in a nest

Friday, January 22, 2010

I live Vicariously through you, Chuck Bass

Sometimes my life happens in a pattern of surreal and ironic events.
When I say sometimes, I really mean all of the time.

For instance....
somewhere around 2 summers ago when I was having a fantastic
Long weekend in one of my top 3 favorite US Cities, Chicago at Lollapalooza and beyond.

It is a tired and Cinderella-esque tale so I will spare you the gory details of the trip
However, what you do i fact need to know that our entourage was basking leisurely at my most favorite Chi-town watering hole, The Rainbo Club- a sweet little dive on North Damon that plays real records and has one of the oldest photo booths in the Country.
We were in the company of Some of the festival's headlining acts.
It would be a lie to say this did not feel epic.

Ed Westwick, the devious and cynical "Chuck Bass" on WB's infectious confection of a show, Gossip Girl was a part of our group.
At the time I did not know much about the plot and quite frankly, thought it sophomoric in concept so I barely payed attention to the fellow, although he was adorable, British and quite possibly one of the friendliest actors I have come in contact with.

Fast forward a year and a half.
SOMEHOW I have become completely enthralled and quite addicted to
everything about Gossip Girl
I am 26 years old and yet I often times would rather sit at home and watch these Manhattan debutant teenagers galavant around making messes out of their faux lives then go out and have my very own REAL social life.

If only I had payed attention to "chuck"
had a conversation
gotten the inside scoop
become friends
smoked cigarettes
had drinks

timing is everything.
I got to party with my favorite TV character and at the time, I didn't even know who he was.

Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids

Friday, May 29, 2009

from the streets of New york, begging for inspiration and reading many words


i have found a poet that i love and his name is Jack Gilbert

"How to love the dead"

she lives, the bird says, and means nothing
silly. She is dead and available,
the fox says, knowing about the spirits.
not the picture of the funeral,
not the obect of grieving. She is dead
and you can have that, he says. If you can
love without politeness or delicacy
the fox says, love her with your wolf heart,
as the dead are to be desired.
Not the way long marriages are,
nothing happening again and again,
Not in the woods or in the fields.
Not in the cities. The painful love of being
permanently unhoused. not color, but the stain.


GUILTY

The man certainly looked guilty.
Ugly, ragged and not clean. Not to mention
their finding him there in the woods
with her body. Neighbors told how he was
always playing with dead squirrels,
mangled dogs, even snakes. He said
those were the only things that would
allow him to get close. "look at me"
the old man said with uncomplaining
simplicity, "Im already one of the dead
among the dead. Its hard to watch things
humiliated the way death does it.
Possums smeared on the road, birds with
ants eating out their eyes. Even dying rats
want privacy for their disgrace.
Its true I washed the dirt off of her face
and the blood off her body. combed her hair.
I slept beside her, at her feet for two days,
the way my dog used to. I got the dress
on the best i could. She looked so neglected.
Like garbage thrown in the weeds.
Like nobody cared he had done that to her.
I kept thinking how long she is going to be
alone now. I knew the police would take
pictures and put them in the papers naked
and open so people eating breakfast could
look at her. I wanted to give her
spirit enough time to get ready."

Friday, March 06, 2009

secrets, mysteries, dangerous liaisons and brain exorcisms


make it stop...
make it stop...
make THIS stop...

this is the past 
this is the present 
this is the future

wouldn't it be nice 
wouldn't it be nice
oh, wouldn't it be nice



 a direct result of postponing the inevitable.
DO YOU remember that time?
If i were lucky, i wouldn't have any recollection

NOW, i am being haunted by a very strange ghost.


Tuesday, January 06, 2009

water, water everywhere but not a drop to drink


Nothing has really changed in my life as of late...
YET somehow this morning i woke up feeling different....
kind of STRANGE .... outside of myself... or removed from my life even. 
Not bad, Not good...just odd. Bazaar. Something else or Someone else.

I am going to blame it on the fact that I can not remember the last time the sun shined or that I am just plain sick and tired of  the bars in 5 points or bars altogether for that matter (or at least that is Lauren Wray's theory ).

Highlights of my day include:

Making it work on time after getting in at 4 am ( add walking to my car at 3crow and picking Lauren up into this equation)

Dissecting relationships, boy/girl interaction and the art of not thinking like a human being with intern Kelly while rhinestoning next to a space heater.
( this conversation was second only to our debate about decomposing flesh and dwarves vs. midgets )

Drawing peacocks and feathers for several hours

Actually taking a lunch break

Making up 'making out with marty stuart' scenarios for Wray and Kelly
(this is where I think of funny situations for the girls to be in that almost always include lip locking with mr. hillbilly rock himself and then they have to tell me how they would react. 
Its really one of my most favorite past times in the whole entire world)


Sunday, July 27, 2008

This is the sound of a disenchanted Fashionista- The the ever changing Fashion Industry makes me glum

Fash·ion [fash-uhn] Pronunciation Key –noun
1. a prevailing custom or style of dress, etiquette, socializing, etc.: the latest fashion in dresses.
2. conventional usage in dress, manners, etc., esp. of polite society, or conformity to it: the dictates of fashion; to be out of fashion.

–verb (used with object)
disenchanted fashionista


Having worked in and around the world of Haute Couture (High Fashion) for a good 6 years now,I consider myself acquainted.

Alas, the more I learn, the less I wish I knew.

Yes, folks I do believe the Honeymoon is over and that if a few changes are not made soon...
divorce papers may be signed.

First off, take the fact that most of the clothing brands your average American has access to and can afford are sewn in sweat shops by tiny children in third world countries.

YES! Guess, Abercrombie and Fitch, Calvin Kline, Forever 21, Victoria's Secret, Target, Old Navy and Banana Republic are a mere handful of names on the long list.

for more info on such dreadful matters visit www.sweatshopwatch.org

Now, multiply that by idea that there is no true middle ground between the cheaply sweat shop made 'Ready to Wear' garments (1. clothing made in standard sizes; ready-made clothing ) and pocket book emptying one of a kind 'Couture' pieces (1. high fashion; the most fashionable and influential dressmaking and designing).

that's right, except for a very select few exceptions to the rule (which i am currently working on compiling a list of) the fashion forward young person of today must make one of two choices when purchasing a brand new garment.

1. Buy a moderately cute but horribly sewn inexpensive garment at say Forever 21 (I like to call this "disposable clothing" the garment equivalent to a tampon due to the fact that it will most likely fall apart after one wear and wash) and support the mistreatment of fellow humans at the same time.

or

2. Take out a loan and skip eating out and other social outings like movies and bowling for a few years in order to purchase an exquisite hand made dress by Christian Lacroix but chances are you may be accused of looking like an escapee from the its a small world Disneyland ride if you are caught wearing it out.

You also have the problem of how shallow and competitive this industry is.
Jobs in fashion are all who you know and not how talented you are and even if by chance you do get your foot in the door of one of the major companies most of the fun and creative side has been taken out and replaced with pure business and many a rule and regulation. How can we create a product for as cheep as we possibly can and mark it up as much as possible?
Not fun. Not interesting. Not ethical.

I am not going to even get into the horrible stereotypes fueled by the greedy fashion industry that start even in grade school.
comments like "Did you see her shoes?" or "Is that a faux Chanel bag she is carrying?"
are yet another hurdle our youth have to overcome to feel "accepted" or "normal".

DISCLAIMER-

I am by no means telling you to avoid trying to look "cool" or shopping at the normal places you go to find that last minute dress you really need for the office Christmas party. I myself on occasion do darken the doors of several of the clothing chains that I previously mentioned. I personally believe that one must feel 100% conviction about something in order to properly boycott it and boycotting is not convenient in the busy fast paced country we live in.

We can do a whole lot more good in this world by finding and creating alternatives for the things we disagree with rather than standing outside businesses with signs and yelling at all who pass by.

That being said, here are a few positive things you can do to counteract all of the horrible things that go on behind the scenes of the world of fashion

Be Creative Enough To Re-Invent The Clothes You Already Own
instead of reading to cheesy shopping magazines like Lucky that just make you want to BUY BUY BUY I would rather refer to The sartorialist and see what REAL people all over the globe are actually wearing on the streets. It is always visually inspiring, never boring and I usually come away with ideas of how to put pieces together that have been sitting in my closet forever in a whole new way.

Buy Vintage and Thrift
It takes a little more time and yes your hands usually smell a little funny after sorting through chaotic racks of old clothes for a few hours but you are doing amazing things for the environment and mankind and chances are you will NEVER run into another girl with the same crazy floral print dress. You will be random, fashionable relevant, avant garde and one of a kind all wrapped up in one.

Support Your Local Designers
Look into who the local designers are in your city. When starting out, young up and coming designers often have a hard time charging the money they want to get for their pieces due to the fact that no one has heard of them. Help them get their name out there by wearing their pieces and in turn you get great deals on exclusive clothing and a chance to be a little different. There are also scores of designers with merchandise available on the Internet take Jared Gold's Black Chandelier line for example. Both inexpensive and interesting.

Give Clothes That You Don't Wear to Charities
Why throw things away when you can help others.
If you do not know of any local trustworthy charities to give to visit www.justgive.org

Take a Sewing Class
If you have the spare time and the interest you should take the basic sewing class at your local fabric store even if all you desire to do is alter the fabulous things you find at the salvation army or take those old boot cut jeans that still fit and make them skinny jeans in just a few minutes.
If this is a little over your head, i suggest getting in touch with the college nearest you that has a design program. Fashion students need both experience and cash and will take in or let out things for much less than any alterations shop.

Barter and Trade
So you are an amazing cook and your friend Erica can sew
Erica's boyfriends parents are coming over for dinner and she is petrified. She always burns everything! You can cook a fabulous meal for her and in turn she will make that adorable high-wasted skirt with all the buttons you've been talking about for a month now.
bring back the bartering system. It is artsy and cool.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Pretty stupid girls- a no reason rant


I was never the beautiful girl growing up and I am thankful for that fact Every single morning when I wake up...

As kids, my sisters and I were labeled and placed inside neat folders and filed alphabetically inside a very small box.

Maisie with the head turning, pulse racing looks that could kill

Chelsea with that talent for all things creative that came so effortlessly it made everyone sick

And I was the brains of the operation, the ring leader of sorts, the captain of the ship,
The imagination.

None of us thought we could venture outside of the one sentence description that had been branded on us at a very young age. 
Thankfully, we have recently concluded that there is so much more to a person than their most obvious strengths.
I think this is the problem with most "pretty girls" and why I often times find them trite, shallow and dare I say it, dreadfully dull.

Now I am by no means drawing a large black line between physically beauty and ugliness. 
There is of course a huge gray area in between in which I would categorize myself and most (not all but most) of the other females I would wish to spend time around. 
A girl can be attractive, interesting looking, exotic, captivating even and not fit into "pretty girl" mold I speak of.
Girls that are strikingly, drop dead gorgeous by any one's standards (often times a former cheerleader, beauty queen, or pageant princess) tend to have never had to develop their personalities and brains to the level the rest of us have had to in order to make friends and connections in this world. 
Unfortunately, I find this to be the case 9 out of 10 times and it really makes me very sad. 
These girls grew up with a get out of jail free pass go and collect $200 dollars card and were able to skip a lot of the school of hard knocks' character building workshops your average teenager finds themselves in.
Sure, they can give you an hour long dissertation on makeup, skin care products, hair care and where the best tanning salon is but finding any real substance is like digging for gold in a grave yard. 
Now, do not jump the gun and think that this is an attack on being a "girly girl"...I LOVE a shopping spree and pedicure AS much as any female...
In fact, I have most likely gone too far in the opposite direction. I can never slow my mind down, I analyze everything everyone says and worry about too many things that are beyond my control. So maybe having a simple mind is easier... Maybe these girls just want to have fun.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

The Ajax Lady.




I loathe answering the phone at work.
Its not my Job and for whatever god forsaken reason, it makes me CRAZY.
The other day it just so happened to be ringing off the hook and I randomly felt obliged to pick it up and oh, i am glad i did. 
It was the Ajax lady, you know, from the Cheech and Chong movie "Up in Smoke".
Her real name is June Fairchild and she lives in California and claims that at some point her late husband was business partners with my boss MANUEL.
Manuel at the time of the call was out of the country and obviously not available to speak to June so she talked my ear off for about 20 minutes instead.
She spoke of things such as meeting Johnny Cash and him picking her up and spinning her around because her name was the same as his wife's.
She also told me what a catch Marty Stuart used to be in his younger years and how she had always had a crush on him. 
She went on to explain that the Ajax scene, (her one claim to fame) was filmed using a tube taped to her cheek that was attached to a vacuum cleaner and that is how it appeared that she snorted all of that household cleaner.
Towards the end of our mostly one sided bazaar and off beat phone conversation, The loquacious Ms. Fairchild insisted that I tell Manuel that "Crazy June" had called, I guess that is what he used to call her back in the day....."Manuel was right on the mark with that one" sounds just about what I thought to myself, I responded only with a chuckle. Just HOW unsound the lady is, i never would have guessed until checking out the pictures from a story the LA times did on her in February of 2001

I never cease to be amazed by humans