Nothing, oh nothing, brings clarity to my life like writing a list does.
It is my one single defense against the evil forces of anxiety driven meltdowns.
January and February are the most introspective months for me.
Life slows down, cools down and i begin to hibernate inside my own head
comparing each day to the one before it and trying to pinpoint every pattern.
A year ago right now, I was dealing with feelings that today are barely even memorable.
How caught up and obsessed in the moment we become, but what of our futures?
What about aging and the inevitable? What of loss and of unrequited love and what about an uncontrollable desire for something one could never possibly obtain?
These miserable circumstances are healed by one thing alone- the passing of time.
Time can both be your healer and friend as well as the demise of your youth and strength.
Where lies the happy medium, Where is that thick black line drawn?
Do we give up emotional highs and the illusion/search of ultimate happiness for comfort, safety and basic contentment? Do the feelings we think we are missing truly exist on a long term level? I think the answer is no. Motion picture love is a fable. It has pissed on every girl and boy's expectations for relationships. Our goal should be to channel these ridiculous feelings and use them as inspiration for our art and/or craft.
Maybe i need to do less thinking and more reading...
Here is a list of the books i am currently in the process of digesting:
1. "It's Hard to be Hip, Over Thirty and Other Tragedies of Married Life"
2. " Sin in the Second City-Madams, Ministers, Playboys and the battle for America's Soul"
by Karen Abbott
3. "The Encyclopedia of Psychoactive Substances"
4. "The Poetry & Short Stories of Dorothy Parker"
I also have been trying to divert my overactive brain from thinking itself in circles and into corners by indulging in documentaries such as :
and Crazy Love
Nothing cures a off day like watching the true stories of
an orchestrator of mass suicide (909 people) and a girl who married the man that threw acid in her face 16 years prior.
